everything in tens

The storm brewing in your head.  Is it any easier to forget?

I think we are all made of contradictions.  It’s something that I struggle with.

I think sometimes, when fighting our demons, we can lose part of our identity.  Maybe that part is not actually… lost.  Maybe she got thrown in jail for ten years for bad behavior.  Maybe I hoped that if she would just shut up so that I could have a “normal” life.

Well… it’s time to face the facts.  I can’t just work a normal job and have a normal house and normal kids and a normal life and be a normal person and feel fulfilled.  It’s not who I am.  It’s not what I want.  I’ve pretended that this could work for me but it really doesn’t.

I have to create things whether I like it or not.  It’s so easy to lie to yourself.  But now, I have to be honest.

Because…

Life is arbitrary.  It’s random.  You or I or someone that you love could die at any moment.  I have seen it.  I have fucking been there.  I am not going to hold my breath and wait for the stars to align.  I have to do the best I can to get the most out of every moment.  To be the best and most authentic version of myself that I can.

We only have a finite amount of time.

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